I thought I was a patient person. I am a good listener and I am receptive. I don't get annoyed when things take a while. I will wait in line and entertain myself without getting frustrated, even if what I was waiting for ultimately wasn't really worth it in the end. I am now learning that patience takes on many forms. Starting a business requires a different sort of patience than line waiting does, even though in principle they are sort of the same thing.
Hawaii was such a transformative trip for me in many ways. The cool thing about the island is that in order to exist there, even for a short period of time, patience is required. The culture is slower paced and there is less of the all too familiar race to the prize that we experience here on the mainland.
I'm starting to shed the part of me that motivates myself by being a drill sergeant. It's important for me to learn how to cultivate a more patient attitude toward my work and toward myself or I end up feeling like I am berating myself for things that are for the most part out of my control. I'm ready to let go of anything that sounds like, "Brooke, you could have worked more or harder today. Brooke, why did you let yourself sleep so long? Brooke, look at these other people who work 60 hours a week...shouldn't you?" The answer is...nope, stop, sorry, but no. I'm not going to do it anymore. It doesn't work for me. I would rather be kind. I would rather be patient. I would rather respect the process.
I met these two Californians when I was in Hawaii who are such open hearts and true adventurers. They're 20 years old. They remind me of my younger self. My truly curious, truly open, truly inspired self. They helped me connect to my true spirit and I'm grateful to them for that. When I told them about what I was doing in Austin they looked awe inspired...and then told me to 'respect the process...' I love that. Respect the process. What respecting the process looks like for me is a deep trust and a deep love for myself and my offerings. The reminder that I just started this venture 3 months ago and it's constantly going to change and evolve as I do. Nothing happens overnight.
Another thing I have been made aware of by my life coach, Roland is how I wake up in the morning. He asked what my morning routine consisted of and I was like, "what morning routine?" I get out of bed with a start and force myself to begin the day. Wake up....do the dishes....wake up! email clients! Demands....it's sort of a rude awakening to the day to be honest. My thoughts and plans overwhelm me and it makes me want to pull the covers over my head. Roland has suggested I wake up more gently. Brooke, wake up...make yourself a nutritious breakfast, drink coffee...go for a walk. Be patient, meditate and then don't look at your phone first thing. Let yourself ease into the day.
So, for the past 5 days or actually since I have been back, I have been practicing just this...the easing into the day....the patience required to just be still with myself for the first waking hour. In Hawaii I woke up with the sun. I never knew what time it what and I didn't care. Time is a construct that just slipped away from me. I'm learning to bring that mentality back into my life here and respect the process. I get more done that way, I am kinder, I have more fun, I put less pressure on myself and the people I am in any sort of relationship with.
This is also helping me out in my relationships with people. I am learning to let go of expectations and trust the process more. I am a very open hearted individual and when I am excited about people I get really excited about them! They light me up from the inside. Instead of becoming overly invested in any one single person, I'm letting the process of knowing and meeting people flow with more natural ease. This requires me to drop my ego a bit. Old Brooke was very concerned with being chosen. Pick me! Pick me! It's what I thought gave me validation and worth. But guess what? I pick myself now....so it makes it a lot easier to know people without pretension or even too much effort. Now, I'm shedding more layers and practicing vulnerability in a different way. I am getting better acquainted with my heart and what it wants. This helps with business too. The way we are in our most intimate relationships is how we are in business.
There is always another opportunity around the corner even if I can't see it right now. A new business opportunity, a new friendship, a new love relationship, a new creative outlet. It's about patience and trust for me now.
I'll be taking a meditation teacher training for 10 months starting in September in an effort to cultivate even more patience, self-love and be more comfortable in stillness...even when things don't feel exciting...even in sadness. I am so excited for this part of the journey.
Until next week,