This morning, I drove back to Austin from Houston and the traffic was extraordinarily congested full of construction induced detours and a thick fog that made everyone extra cautious on the road. It took me approximately 4 hours to get from my parents' place to Dharma Yoga, where Wednesday morning meditation was taking place at 8 AM. My body was stiff and tired from all the clenching and teeth grinding and 'are you kidding me Siri?' that took place en route.
When I finally did arrive at the studio, my teacher, Kelly who was joined by another meditation teacher, Susan Piven, introduced the topic for the day as 'dealing with emotions' and I knew I was in for it--already irritable--ungrounded from the drive and off kilter a bit from spending so many days away from my usual 'routine.' The tears began to stream the second I closed my eyes in meditation and then came the images;
Trump's face, his words---the way he said 'Now, nobody is surprised? Are they' when introducing the newest member of the Supreme Court last night in an Apprentice Style showing. I began to get emotional over all of it---the pandemonium--sitting on the couch with my mom the night before saying out loud, 'this can't be real' over and over again. I'm angry, sad and a little frightened to be honest and it's all resting right over my chest...and frankly, I'm a bit shut down by all of it...but trying to move at my own pace to process and feel the feelings instead of pushing them away.
So, this morning's invitation to meditate WITH emotions as the focal point was poignant and necessary. What held true for me most of all is this idea that we can feel emotions without necessarily attaching a story line to them. For example, I can feel all my sad, angry feelings about Trump without going into catastrophic thinking patterns, but rather try and stay present with the moment that exists. Susan reflected that nothing is ever as great or as terrible as we anticipate---things tend to ride somewhere in the middle.
I'll liken this to my experience this past week with my mom at the beach. We took off to Galveston together for a day on a whim and it was a HIGHLY healing experience for both of us. The water, the breeze, the day with limited cell phone reception...the opportunity to just be with each other in nature together. The two of us had experienced a very intense emotional year with many ups and downs...and sometimes these experiences would take us on a ride....what we are both noticing is that things are going to happen (good and bad) and as emotional/sensitive beings we may become highly effected by them (Trump's presidency, a loved ones illness, things out of our control) or we can put our phones down, not respond right away and GO TO THE BEACH---and realize that life goes on even in the absence of our reaction or story telling.
Today I'm easing back into life in Austin...as I will be here for the entire month of February. It truly has been a long time since I have been rooted in ATX for an entire month without going anywhere...and I have lots in store! The life of an entrepreneur is a wild, emotional, beautiful, messy, strange, expansive, contracted existence and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Until next week,