The Discomfort in Slowing Down

Hi all!

I wanted to talk a bit about slowing down and why, it is an important and uncomfortable practice for me and maybe you can related.  After the car accident (I almost typed 'my car accident' but I don't want it to stay attached to me) I needed to slow down for a number of reasons.  I had a pounding headache for a couple of days and my body and mind were adjusting from shock symptoms (forgetfulness, foggy headed, and general fatigue).

My first night back in Austin, I felt like I was fighting with myself a lot.  The part of me knowing that I needed to proceed with caution and care AND the part of me that just wanted to get everything done and taken care of right away so that I wouldn't have to feel the pangs of uncertainty being in the grey area.  Today, I'm much better...more clear---rested and my energetic cup feels a bit more full, though not totally replenished...I'm working on that.

It occurs to me just how impatient I can be at times.  My impatience doesn't look like the hands on the hips toe tapping impatience that I thought it could only be packaged as.  Mine is more like an undercurrent of anxiety that seems only to get relief when things are more 'certain' or defined or tied up with a bow.  I noticed this as I was talking with the claims adjuster with regard to my car.  He talked slowly on the phone and would introduce himself every time with his full name and I was thinking...yes! I know who you are, we have spoken 5 times now and I saved your number.  I just wanted to get everything taken care scoot into a more certain place---when actually, nothing is ever fully certain.  My anxiety and ego would like me to believe that it can be.

And now, I'm trying to be a bit more deliberate about how I structure my days.  It is not perfect. I am still figuring it out and probably always will be refining and tweaking and learning how to best serve myself and others.  I have this new understanding of time---that if it doesn't happen today, it very well can happen tomorrow or next week or even the week after.  I'm wanting to give myself more space to make commitments and when I do that, I am much more likely to keep them---and do so joyfully.

That's all for now...It's exciting to me when new musings come about as a result of life experiences.  I now have the very visceral and embodied memory of a car accident to remind me how crucial it is for me to take my time with decisions and people and as much as I can---try to not rush.

Until next week,