Ever since I was young, I would see things happening around me that were difficult or even tragic and I developed a defense mechanism that I can only describe as 'putting my combat boots on.' Don't get me wrong, I am a highly sensitive and emotional person who is expressive and wants to talk it out, but I also have a tendency to get back on the saddle right away...without allowing myself the time to process what has happened.
This weekend, I took one of my dear friends with me to Houston for my sister's law school graduation. I won't go into any detail here but things with family are a little fragile at the moment. I watched myself go into jokester mode, which I have a tendency to do...or even...I'm going to stand up in front of everyone and read a last minute poem at the dinner table...wanting to take charge. I'm not judging my behavior here, but just recognizing it as something curious, interesting...how I deal with stuff.
I'm feeling proud of myself for creating a life in Austin that feels extremely in alignment and flourishing and blooming...the beauty of it all..and to see others suffering, especially so close to me...is hard. I find that one of the surest ways to experience emotional release when there is turmoil near me is to get on the mat. To be with my body in movement and breath...to be in alignment with my heart...and so it happened...this morning, in a 6:30 AM heated Vinyasa class that I never would usually go to. A friend invited me along. I felt the wave, the emotional energy bubbling up inside my body and then tears.
They say that our issues are in our tissues...as in, the tissues of our bodies. I could not agree more. Oftentimes my intellect or wide array of defense mechanisms; humor, denial, becoming overly busy, being in constant movement etc...keep me away from feeling what I ought to feel...from discharging emotional energy. My yoga practice is the surest way to get there...if not for the sensations of stretch and movement of energy...for the unlocking of the stuff I push down...
I find that in times when getting on my yoga mat feels like the last thing I want to do, it is in fact the most important and crucial moment to get going. Something about the heat was also very purifying and detoxifying...and not usually how I practice at all, though reminiscent of my college years in Boston when the Baptiste inspired yoga studio was the only place to escape the frigid winter. I connected to getting rung out and I think it's precious and valuable.
Consequently, when I devote myself to my practice, I can be even more present to the people I love and my clients because not only have I created space for emotional letting go, but also have harnessed a lot of positive energy.
So, needless to say, I am devoted to my practice for a lifetime...and have seen proof over and over again of it serving me...and serving me...and serving me.