It's March already!  I can't believe it.  Time zooms by so quickly.  Perhaps because it has been so busy in my world since the New Year or more likely because I have been in a flow state these past couple of months.  So alas, here we are. Springtime is upon us.  Flowers are blooming and the sun is out for the first time in a long time.  It feels amazing.  

I feel like there is a lot to catch up on.  I used to blog every single week.  I have felt that while I love the idea of more regular blog posts, once a month is a kinder option for me now as I have been getting busier and busier growing my practice.  So for now, I'm going to try out this once per month format and see how it feels!

In February, I completed a ten day cleanse based on the GAPS diet.  This was no gluten, no dairy, refined sugars, coffee or alcohol.  It was challenging in a way I didn't expect it would be.  For some reason, the first time I did this cleanse back in 2013, I felt elated and witnessed quick changes within myself.  I was used to eating ice cream every single day back then and drinking dark, heavy beer.  While there is nothing inherently wrong with these food choices, they weren't serving my body.  So with the elimination, I experienced a beautifully intense healing period that is still ongoing.

This time around, with a much healthier (for me) diet and lifestyle choices, the shifts were more subtle.  I forgot that the cleanse did not allow coffee and to be honest, it totally rattled me to realize that this was true.  I had just purchased a new coffee maker the night before, thinking that it would be a special treat for me as I worked to eliminate other addictive substances like chocolate.  It was so difficult.  Like a true addict, I was fiending for coffee for the first few days. I cursed Starbucks signs and the smell of coffee that is ever present in Austin.  I mourned.  I cried. I had a headache.  I drank green tea, which is of course, not the same.  I was, however, committed.

So I continued on. I drank more water, napped a lot, took it easy and started to feel my nervous system regulating.  I realized that what was keeping me in a constant fight or flight state was my caffeine dependence.  Nothing was really that urgent, but my body and nervous system felt like there always was.  Anything but RIGHT NOW was not an option.  I was moody and irritable and then I would crash.

There is something really beautiful about the way caffeine serves to light a fire under our asses.  We accomplish a lot in that jittery manic state, but our adrenals may be undernourished.  For me, as a 4-5 cup a day girl, my dependence was pretty profound.  Morning, noon and evening.  It was my security blanket.  A way for me to stay up later and do more.

The truth is, I'm an introvert.  I like quiet time and a lot of decompression time to myself.  I like to socialize but being around big crowded spaces isn't naturally my thing...but I was making it my thing by amping myself up!  

I've switched to decaf now and I still get the same ritualistic aspect of brewing, holding a coffee cup and of course maybe adding a little cinnamon...but it is only for the taste now, not for the side effects.  I require a bit more sleep now and often find myself falling asleep at random times, but I'm looking forward to seeing what is underneath all the jitter.  

I feel like this part of my life involves staying put, slowing down and being still and for once, I am really ok with this reality.

Until next time,