Hello blog,
It’s been a while. I’d like to get in the habit of writing content on here for a number of reasons. First, we are living in very strange times and it would be nice to have a written reflection somewhere, second because writing has always been a form of deep self-care and catharsis and last, if I write something relatable perhaps it can feel normalizing and helpful to the onlooker. So, here I go!
I wanted to write about the patience I have learned to develop over the last 7 months. It is a different sort of patience than what I thought I was encountering during the first 33 years of my life. It’s like patience on steroids. What would be a better word for amplified patience? Trust in the universe? Grace, perhaps…let’s just call it “a new patience.”
In March, our worlds changed immediately. In my own personal life, as someone whose work was very much in person with other people in close proximity as a yoga teacher and massage therapist, I had to navigate new safety and health concerns and physically distance myself from students, clients and indoor spaces. What would I do?
There was a pulse of trust under my skin that urged me to quickly pivot and put everything I did in an online format, which continues to do well under these circumstances. There have been so many silver linings during this time including my ability to teach people online in different states and countries, but there have also been difficulties. Not being physically in person with my clients and students and not being able to hug people all day long has proven challenging to me as a community seeking empath. Can you relate?
Enter stage right, patience. So, here’s the deal…I always thought I was a patient person, and generally I am. I can listen to people share their stories all day long and hold space for other people’s processes. I encourage others to trust the process and lean into the discomfort of not knowing and to take some deep breaths before reacting…and it is easy to share this advice because I really believe it in.
Then, there’s me. Applying these principles in my own life have proven to be a bit more challenging. It’s kind of like exercising a new muscle or practicing a new art form. I cognitively know these things, but how can I experience the wisdom in my body?
I started seeing clients as a therapist intern this month. Just as soon as I realized the pandemic would be going on for a while, I decided to put my social work hat back on and begin working toward my LCSW licensure. It is something I always knew I would pursue ‘one day.’ Maybe when I was 40, I figured…but there is really no better time than now to pursue mental health care, especially since so many people are in need of support.
In this realm, patience has looked a lot like trust. Trust in myself to take the next best step, trust in myself to be professional and to use good judgment when dealing with people under this new umbrella of care. Trust that my caseload during a global pandemic will grow. The list goes on.
Thus emerges this new patience. This new level of trust.
I am reminded of my friend and former business coach, Roland, who told me once that when you go a restaurant with friends, you order the food and then you return to having a good time with your friends. Hopefully, you are not obsessing over your order and if it will come out exactly to your liking. You just live your life and then the food comes. Right now, I am putting myself out there and then trusting that the food I ordered will come out to my liking and if it doesn’t I can always add salt.
I am practicing pausing and grounding and slowing down. I am expanding my scope to a more longterm stretch. That processes of all sorts take time. Since time is dilated right now and a month feels like a year, I am doing my best to remind myself of that. Brooke, it’s only been X amount of time. You will learn more and improve and make mistakes and build relationships in this new professional sphere.
It takes self-compassion and self knowledge.
So, be kind to yourself. If you’re in the throws of some big changes like I am, lean into the process and trust yourself most importantly.