Marissa Knox and I just finished our first workshop together and I feel extremely grateful and honored to be sharing the work of self-acceptance with others. It is truly a learning experience for me as a healer and human being to humble myself to the unfolding process of healing old wounds and judgments. We have plans in the works to create more opportunities around this topic in the form of workshops, a six week series and maybe a retreat one day! I have a lot of ideas and the energy to cultivate them! It's exciting to be immersed in something I feel passionately about.
Today, I have been thinking a lot about judgments; the ones we hold for ourselves and the ones we have for others. It may seem mundane and silly, but the current judgement I've been holding over myself is that I am messy. My car is messy and my sink, is more often then not, full of dishes waiting to be done. I have a lot going on in my life right now and everything feels intense--in a good way--but still intense. My car is a reflection of how busy I have been lately and nothing more than that. It's not worth it for me to slap a value judgement on it or to allow my thoughts to travel down that all too familiar rabbit hole of self denigration.
At the suggestion of my life coach, Roland, I started an experiment called the 7 day mental diet based on the small booklet by Emmet Fox written in the mid 30s. It's a way to train your mind to stop thinking negatively. The gist of the experiment is essentially this; each time you have a negative thought, you must redirect it immediately and replace it with something hopeful or positive. This should be done for 7 days. If you allow your mind to go down a negative thought spiral, you must begin the experiment over again from day one. Sounds pretty challenging, right? Well...it is. I'll be honest.
The most interesting thing I've noticed about this experiment so far (I'm on day 5 now) is that the negative thought spiral or pattern is akin to an addiction. My mind WANTS to go there...it craves the feeling of negativity and I certainly do not think of myself as a typically negative thinker...but I do notice that my mind reaches for it like a nicotine addict reaches for a cigarette. That part fascinates me. The addiction to self-denigration, self-doubt---all leading to violence in some form. I personally believe that when we allow ourselves to indulge these thoughts, it's a way to keep ourselves small. How can I possible do X, Y or Z? Trust me...I am all to familiar with the pattern....slowly but surely though, the brain starts to rewire itself and events that used to trigger thoughts like 'I'm stupid...I'm disorganized...I'm not skilled enough etc.' are soon replaced with thoughts of encouragement---like you would receive from a friend that loves you.
This has been a truly fascinating point in my journey. I have lots of exciting ideas for upcoming workshops, series, writings, projects, offerings---you name it but today I am taking time just to be...to rest...to let all that I have been working on settle into my body and mind. The phrase 'come as you are' which I'm pretty sure is a Nirvana song, keeps swirling around inside my head...so the invitation is there. Come as you are---as messy, as stressed, as tired, as happy, as excited, as confused, as bewildered, as anxious, as worried, as blissful as YOU are.