This is the title of a Dirty Projectors song that is about exactly what I'm trying to capture in this blog post. In the song, which is a funky electronic soulful jam, the female vocalist sings about the concept that when we are born into the world, we do not have identities or habits or opinions about anything and then as we grow up we forge these things for ourselves and maybe sometimes, we spend too much energy focused on the wrong things. We lose ourselves in our longings and wanting for higher mountains and bigger things. It prevents us from being present. And so, in the end...the inquiry "isn't life under the sun just a crazy, crazy, crazy dream?..."why am I here and not over, over, over there?" It's a very Buddhist song if you ask me. Maybe that's why it's been in my consciousness all these years. Why the title stuck out to me as important in some way. Stillness is the Move.
So, real talk. About me...my habits and longings...and my, ultimate difficulties with stillness and why I have committed myself to 21 days of meditation through the Deepak Chopra and Oprah program. I am a human, obviously and my desires run deep and full. I experience life with a very open heart and am always curious, always experimenting and sometimes moving so much and often that I get so tired and find myself in the midst of a nap without meaning to.
I started my business 2.5 months ago and my heart is here. In it. I think of little else besides how to nurture it and that includes involving myself in conversations with others and activities to bring me closer to my center. I dance, I walk endlessly and practice yoga mostly with the very dynamic and incredibly in tuned and authentic Erinn Lewis and then I realize I haven't stopped. I haven't stopped to drink water or rest enough or connect to myself because I'm afraid to pause. The fear is in the pause. If I pause then----I won't build my momentum again. If I pause, I'll feel feelings! If I pause I will be lonely. If I pause, I will see truth about myself I am not willing to face. If I pause, I will be bored. All of those things keep me going and going and going.
But what if not the present moment? I consider this. What is life if not right now? Nothing else exists but we glaze over the present because we can't let go of the past and can't stop the ridiculous game of future predicting. So, I've been called to meditate. Roland, my life coach instructed me to begin the 21 day challenge with Deepak and Oprah and at first, I couldn't figure out the app and decided to just 'do my own thing," which is very Brooke of me. But then, yesterday my soul partner Marissa came over and we dedicated ourselves to the challenge together. As chances would have it, the challenge wasn't actually available until a couple days after I downloaded it, but now it is and I am in it...dedicated to stillness. Stillness is the move.
When I am still, I ground myself. I am more truthful about what's going on with me and not just get swept up in the whirlwind of it all. I can see things more clearly, I can decide with more swiftness and agility. I am home beyond the physical. I am home within myself...and so the fear actually gets replaced with this sense of serenity, of relief...and I can be still more and more...get the rest I truly need and stop running from my center.
A dream I had a while back revealed this very message to me. I was in my little car that I love so much in a circle of cars in a grassy field. The cars began to slow and stock pile in front of me and I thought it was the best idea to get out, abandon my car and run to the nearest town. The town, however, was dilapidated and terrible. It honestly would have been a better option to stay in the center of the cars in the field than to go to this deserted waste land. A spiritual teacher of mine interpreted this dream and told me, "Brooke, if you are in your center...you will not need to run." I agree with him. Yes, center...meditation, stillness...no more running.
I'll be updating my blog along the journey, still weekly but perhaps as inspiration strikes, I'll insert helpful tools and tricks here and there. For now, here's the link to the dirty projectors song mentioned earlier. They nailed it. Stillness is the move.