Clear and conscious communication seem to be one of our greatest struggles as humans. We claim to value honesty and being truthful to the best of our abilities, but sometimes and even oftentimes we fall short in our messages. I try to be honest and say what I mean, but sometimes...I struggle to get the right words out. Even as I write this...I'm finding it a bit challenging to speak about what it is that I want this blog post to communicate. But here goes nothing.
I don't talk often about my dating life in a public space, but felt that this issue would be important to bring forward as it is something that in modern times is becoming more convenient to do to people and I find it wildly baffling and strange. It is also in line with aspects of my business as holistic healing aims to balance all aspects of life---including love and dating relationships.
With the advent of online dating, texting and convenient access to people via swipe apps--which in my opinion, is like people window shopping, it seems sadly more possible to miscommunicate, under communicate, misrepresent, and misjudge people. I have been guilty of not speaking my truth clearly enough in situations while dating, but try to for sure. If I'm not interested in someone, I will try to tell them...but sometimes my people pleasing tendencies keep me from 'hurting someone else's feelings.'
Just this past week, I experienced a phenomenon in dating known as 'ghosting.' Yes, it is a real thing! I don't for the life of me understand it. It makes no sense to my brain how someone could just cease all communication without an explanation. I was hanging out with this one person for a brief time, but substantial enough that it felt like a fade out wouldn't happen without a talk. We were pretty conscious communicators with one another and I was enjoying getting to know him. One day, he just completely fell off the radar and I took it pretty hard.
I know that what was going on for me is that my deep seated triggers of abandonment and rejection were switched on and the difficulty wasn't so much about this other person, but about the disappearance without warning thing. My ego also had a lot to say and it was difficult to not take it personally.
I wondered why people do this. I read articles about it in an attempt to understand because that is what I do when I can't make sense of things on my own. Fear, other circumstances, dating lots of other people at the same time, not wanting to confront something uncomfortable...these are all reasons I read about---as to why someone would 'ghost' someone else but I still don't get it and maybe I don't have to.
I'm learning to confront some of my deepest fears...the fear of being left, abandoned and the fear of the unknown. I think it's tough at first to go through something so strange and confusing...but to know that it's possible helps me be better prepared for future instances resembling this. I have experienced this before...but not to this extent...not to the extent that not a single conversation was had.
The more baffling things are in this world, the more I am realizing that I am not in control of so much in this life. I crave black and white sometimes...but living in the gray area is much more realistic and we don't get swallowed by expectations so quickly.
So I guess I'm grateful for these experiences...to show me sides of myself that are usually pretty hidden...and to reveal to me the high importance of communicating clearly. When I'm in Hawaii, my friend Lauren and I have agreed to practice radical honesty and conscious communication with each other. Awareness is perhaps the first step in this baffling human experience.